Hello. First, even though I specialize in group formation, I strongly dislike introductions and icebreakers. I do not want to stand up, say my name, and share an interesting fact about myself. It makes me feel nervous and queasy inside. But I understand the psychology and purpose behind them, so here it goes.

Where should I begin? How about my name? I’m a junior, named after my father, of course. I was the last child in a family made up mostly of girls. He was thrilled when I came along.

I’ve lived an interesting life, but what do you need to know about me as the author? Maybe this: leadership has a way of finding me. I’ve been trusted to lead as captain of the safety patrol in elementary school, as an ordained youth pastor, and as president of my Toastmasters club. I’ve never asked for these roles. I was recommended. I like to think people saw my ability to look beyond the surface and identify the real issue.

I’ve been a certified mindfulness instructor for more than ten years, and I’ve dedicated much of my life to serving young people through my work at a nonprofit. They’ve taught me a lot about the reality of social and emotional life: what translates into practice and what is simply an ornament.

If you want to know what influenced me to write this book, you’ll have to read it. I don’t want to write all that again here. Just kidding.

Seriously, my interest in identity formation grew out of my years studying self-development. I became especially interested in the elements of identity formation: meaning, storytelling, and directed attention. I wanted to understand how these elements could be made practical for a modern audience.

I realized that cultures across time and place have used ritual processes to shape identity, so I began studying ritual through scholars like Arnold Van Gennep and Victor Turner. But the subject still felt abstract, interesting in a college auditorium but distant from everyday life.

Then I began asking a question that connected what I was studying with something I had experienced myself: What actually causes durable identity change under real pressure?

Many people want to upgrade their self-image, transform their identity, and become their best selves. I wanted to understand what makes that change real.

I had struggled with restricted agency for years and had already pulled myself out of it, making plenty of mistakes along the way. I didn’t realize that the framework taking shape through my study of identity formation was a distillation of what I had learned and practiced in my own life.

By happenstance, I found a community asking a question that gave the framework a concrete application: If I grew up with restricted agency and am still living with its effects, how do I fix it? That’s why I wrote this book.